Sunday, March 12, 2006

It's not the size of the boat...

but the motion of the ocean.

Yes, my very first SEx post is going to be about pleasure stick size.

But first, let me introduce myself. I'm Emma Sinclair. My first Liquid Silver release will be Tempting Fate, a light paranormal about Chloe Moriae, one of the Fates. I don't have a release date yet.

So, back to the cock size...

I admit that I'm a bit childish and I tend to end arguments/disagreements with random insults that no one has a response to.


DH: You spilled something on the floor and didn't clean it up.
Me: Yeah, well you stink. (He doesn't by the way)

Like I said, childish, but it usually ends arguments and gets a laugh. But the other day I, apparently, made a mistake.

DH: You did something stupid.
Me: Yeah, well, you have a small wang. (Again, he doesn't)

This didn't get the laugh that I was going for. Instead I was told, in no uncertain terms, Don't Make Fun Or Penises.

This made me giggle which lead to even more problems because I was apparently being insensitive to hard-ons (oh, the horror).

Now, here's my reasoning for why my response was fine.

If you call a fat person fat, well, that's just mean. But if you call a skinny person fat, it's stupid, I admit, but pseudo-funny in an ironic kind of way.

Sooo, it stands to reason that if a person has a small Johnson and you tell them that, it's mean, but if they don't then you get that pseudo-funny ironic stupidness.


Am I crazy? Well, obviously, but has anyone ever heard the No Making Fun of Penises directive?

Was I totally out of line (just FYI - I am not completely insensitive and have gone back to my standard 'you stink' rather than open this can of worms again).

So, what is this bizarre connection that men have with their Rods of Redemption? And special thanks to Beth Williamson's post for all the fun penis names!

Do you have fun stories about the Purple Headed Soldier of Love? Please share! And of course, lets discuss the age old question - does size really matter?

Emma Sinclair
Website | Blog

And just because I don't want to leave you without any eye candy...


Blogger snowflake said...

Hi Emma, I can't resist pointing out that you made a typo -- Don't Make Fun Or Penises. Are you going to tell me I stink? LOL

I do believe there is a general rule against making fun of penises unless you know the man in question is totally comfortable with it. Size matters to a certain extent but technique is as important.

10:57 AM  
Blogger Cheri Valmont said...

Hey Emma,

Leave it to you to come up with the profound questions.

I'm chatting today at Fallen Angels and saw the post about your blogging today, so I decided to come over and say HI.

I've heard of the ole 'Don't make fun of Penises' thing before. It's one of those things that I compare to a man telling a woman her ass looks fat in, well, whatever. By the way, I never ask my husband that question. You're just asking for trouble.

Funny names for penises: vibrating jackhammer of love. (giggle)

I've read a few that just kill me. I never could wrap my mind around MANROOT--if you're a fan of the historical.

Well, have fun on your blog day!


12:13 PM  
Blogger Sherrill Quinn said...

Great post, Emma. I think all guys, unless they're hung like a horse, wish their equipment was bigger. Or at the very least are sensitive if they think their SO isn't happy with it. :)

I think you're safer sticking with the "you stink" response. LOL

12:13 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Wow, babe. Men don't take kindly to that kinda stuff, eh?

I think it's like a woman, even IF her ass is small and you tell her it's big, by the time you're done with her, if you cultivate the snark juuust right, you can have her believeing it's the size of a Sherman Tank. LOLLOL

However, I would have probably cracked the same joke--so I'm right there with ya :)


1:29 PM  
Blogger Rae Morgan said...

Love the eye candy.

Now for the ahem weighty topic of the day -- penises. As a very-married woman of over 33 years, the short answer is "yes, I have heard the don't-make-fun-of- penises rule." I don't - - ever -- well, almost never. LOL I call him? - - it? - - names, but only in fun. But men are soooo sensitive, aren't they?

But a little loving attention and they get over it.


1:38 PM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

Another rule of thumb to apply to the "Don't Make Fun of Penises"... don't buy a realistic dildo/vibrator that is bigger than his. I'm dead serious here (stop laughing). He gets, er, insulted and feels less than adequate.
Happy to help out with my list 'o names for the beastie. *curtsey*

1:54 PM  
Blogger Emma Sinclair said...

Thanks for pointing out the typo jenny - I feel kind a silly now (yet somehow I didn't feel silly with the post that makes me look like a fool)!

Thanks for stoping by Cheri!

Dakota & Rae - I know to never bring it up again now. I guess I was just totally shocked at the IMPASSIONED way my usually laid back DH reacted (and my giggling more didn't make things any better).

Beth - mental note made and filed away for another day! Thanks!

So does anyone else have any other fun/embarassing "manroot" stories?

2:01 PM  
Blogger A J Matthews said...

I've not got a problem with my "manroot." It's a little bit bigger than average, performs as required ;)

Talk about size reminds me of the guy in the army. Ma Nature had sold him *woefully* short so he went to the company doc to see if anything could be done. The doc looked at it, tutted, and asked if the guy had any pain using it to pee. He said no, so the doc said "Well, I'd just use it for that, then..."

2:28 PM  
Anonymous maripj99 said...

Hello Emma I love your post. While I was reading it I kept thinking it's like a man telling a woman she looks fat, but then again men are pretty dense. I never heard the don't make fun of penises (or is it peni?) rule but I take it as a given. Men really do have fragile egos when it comes to their tool, drill, jackhammer, rod of steel, etc. I personally like to call it Harvey, after the drink, but that's another story. As far telling if size matters, I just don't know. I've only had one most of my adult life but it is well endowed. *g*


2:39 PM  
Blogger snowflake said...

Emma, it's all good. When I read the typo the first time, I had this mental image of an erect penis pointing at the offender, which is kinda funny. LOL

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a bizarre story. I've been married 32+years and my cardinal rule is never to make fun of my dh or any part of him (LOL) at all. Never ever ever.

I wouldn't want him to think I really felt that way. It would hurt him. My role is to nurture and encourage him always. Remember the sticks and stones sing-song from childhood? It's painfully false - names do hurt, especially when used against the ones we love. Even in fun.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Faltenin said...

Ah, yes. That is THE rule.

Only use it if you want to destroy a man's self-confidence for ever (and that's considered a crime against humanity so beware).

Honestly, it really is the One Thing to avoid.

9:19 PM  
Blogger robynl said...

....but the motion of the ocean: this is so true!!!
It definitely is safer to not call attention to the size but compliment on how it does for you what you need.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

LOL..What I find funny is that I have seen my husband and his buddies make fun of each other in this regard...

is the rule -don't make fun if we actually might get to use it with you later and feel self conscience?

Size matters, but skill is even better :P

11:11 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

First I don't think size is everything - the ability to use it correctly (technique) is more important.

I have heard the don't make fun of penises before. I think it would be the same as telling a woman she is fat, her butt is too big, her breast are too small - just mean and will serve no purpose other than hurting their feelings.

11:18 PM  
Blogger blackroze37 -tami said...

1 of my mother bfs, told her, she could call him aything, say anything, but never call him a SOB , cause he loved his mother and respected her,, well of course, might as well wear red for a bull, she of course called him that. she could say what ever about his dick though
ive knew, dont know how , but always,, man's size is a no no,, so of course in major agruements is very good ammuntiation

1:55 AM  
Blogger blackroze37 -tami said...

ive had many varius sizes, and its the MAN who uses his mind and enjoy sex and not as 1 object of him getting off
cause some men r just real jack ass in bed

1:57 AM  
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