Getting to Know You
Sometimes I wish life were as simple as the media portray it. If they were right, then women everywhere and without exception would want chocolate and jewelry for Valentine's Day, wool or a desk set for the eighth anniversary, and silky lingerie every day of the year.
But life isn't that simple. Any man who gives me chocolate (I'm a butterscotch kind of woman) or jewelry (I'm a seeds-for-the-garden kind of woman) will get a swift kick out of my life for being unwilling to take the time to learn what I really want.
Life gets even more complicated when we consider more important matters than chocolate and jewelry (or butterscotch and seeds). The amorphous "they" tell us we should want something, and yet, deep down inside where we may even be afraid to look, we want something completely different.
Some of what they tell me I should want are things I know they're right about – starting with regular exercise and the recommended five fruits and vegetables a day – so I'm willing to try to want them. I'm even making progress, if you accept my theory that sugar, which comes from a plant, is a vegetable, or at least a fruit.
Other things, though, I'm just never going to want, and I don't even try to rationalize my disinterest. For me, marriage is one of those major goals I've always been told I should want, but I just don't feel it. Companionship, sure. Sex, of course. Love and happy-ever-after, definitely. But marriage? Um, no.
Same with sexual attraction. It doesn't matter if everyone tells us we should want some man who's perfect in their eyes -- he's so nice and successful and good-looking -- if we don't actually feel the attraction.
We want what we want, even when it's not what we're supposed to want. I've resisted this fact for decades, and I continue to be fascinated by the way people struggle to reach a compromise between what they should want and what they stubbornly insist on actually wanting. As an author, I can experience the subject from a variety of viewpoints, tossing my characters into assorted situations and helping them resolve their shoulds with their actual wants.
So, what about you? I'd love to hear some examples of what you feel you should want, but really couldn't care less about.
But life isn't that simple. Any man who gives me chocolate (I'm a butterscotch kind of woman) or jewelry (I'm a seeds-for-the-garden kind of woman) will get a swift kick out of my life for being unwilling to take the time to learn what I really want.
Life gets even more complicated when we consider more important matters than chocolate and jewelry (or butterscotch and seeds). The amorphous "they" tell us we should want something, and yet, deep down inside where we may even be afraid to look, we want something completely different.
Some of what they tell me I should want are things I know they're right about – starting with regular exercise and the recommended five fruits and vegetables a day – so I'm willing to try to want them. I'm even making progress, if you accept my theory that sugar, which comes from a plant, is a vegetable, or at least a fruit.
Other things, though, I'm just never going to want, and I don't even try to rationalize my disinterest. For me, marriage is one of those major goals I've always been told I should want, but I just don't feel it. Companionship, sure. Sex, of course. Love and happy-ever-after, definitely. But marriage? Um, no.
Same with sexual attraction. It doesn't matter if everyone tells us we should want some man who's perfect in their eyes -- he's so nice and successful and good-looking -- if we don't actually feel the attraction.
We want what we want, even when it's not what we're supposed to want. I've resisted this fact for decades, and I continue to be fascinated by the way people struggle to reach a compromise between what they should want and what they stubbornly insist on actually wanting. As an author, I can experience the subject from a variety of viewpoints, tossing my characters into assorted situations and helping them resolve their shoulds with their actual wants.
So, what about you? I'd love to hear some examples of what you feel you should want, but really couldn't care less about.
SExed by Anonymous at 12:01 AM
11 Comments:
A car (it's a luxury and status symbol here because of high taxes), landed property (another status symbol of having 'arrived' in life). These are things my parents feel I should want. I think there is so much more to life than just the pursuit of material wants.
I want a place of my own that my mother doesn't know the address or phone number to, and enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life.
Right now, people (especially my mother!) keep telling me I need to get a job. My oldest niece (almost 24) keeps asking me how it feels to not work. Not work?!? Like all I'm doing is sitting around eating bon bons all day. Writing's damned hard, I tell her, and it's a LOT of work.
My mother also would like to see me married. I'm okay with not being. And a family (i.e., children) was never something I envisioned myself with. Now, at 43, if I got pregnant for the first time... well, just shoot me now.
No, really. I mean it.
Shoot.
Me.
Now.
Hmm...maybe a car...or an immaculate or perfectly decorated house. I couldn't care less about cleaning or scrubbing my bathroom or kitchen until it shines like the commercials. They are clean and that is all that matters. I also know nothing about decorating, but love the lived-in feel of my house with its mismatched furniture and decor. LOL.
We're supposed to focus on having lots of money. I have nothing against it, money is necessary to live, but certainly not the main thing. A loving family, good friends and work that is fulfilling are the keys to happiness.
Jan, I hear you about the car. Why should everyone want a higher-end, luxury-make, petrol-guzzling car with frills you may not need? Unfortunately, environmental friendly electric cars have still not taken off.
Hey Jan, Have you seen the Smart Car? It's about half the size of the Echo... and supposedly much better on gas mileage. They seat 2 people and that's it. You don't have room for much else. Tho they're really small, I drive by them in my Echo Hatchback (LOVE IT) on the highway and think I'd be afraid to drive something that small on the highway. :)
I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom. I love my job. And If I won the lottery I believe I could come up with enough hobbies so I wouldn't have to stay at home.
I'd like my mother to get over the fact that she and my father divorced 30 years ago. She continues to "get hurt" if I spend any time with my father. And I'm 45 years old! It's not like there's a parenting plan...
Both parents are remarried...so it's not like my mother is sitting a dark room all alone...
Shonjir! I cast this into the void and pray the void will protect me!
Jan, you really picked up on a good topic that I had to nod in agreement with some of yours you felt and too trying to think of what I felt about things in life that I don't want. Some want to go out, go socialize and all, but for me, I love the comforts of my home, the peace there. Too I know many love movies and some popular TV shows, but I could never get myself into them. Yeah I often say its because I cant hear so I don't go to the theatre, but thats part of it but too because some may find them to be the same joys I find with reading. Those are two I can think of now, but i'm sure there is more. I guess its what makes us feel comfort, and safety with who we are when we can just follow our own feelings.
Cathie
For me, the thing that many others want and think that I should want is a large home. Don't get me wrong, I want a place that has enough room for me and my books. But to me, a large home is just more spaces I have to clean and tidy.
Little Lamb Lost
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