Monday, May 08, 2006

Let's hear it for vaginas!

Howdy y'all! Beth Williamson here. I'm back, and I'm sure everyone missed me, right?

As a follow-up to my marvelous column about pet names for penises, I thought I'd flip the coin and talk about something else that's near and dear to an erotic romance novelist's heart… the vagina. I always thought Georgia O'Keefe's paintings looks like female anatomy (thus the picture to the left. )

Oh, to hear the funny names that men pop out with for female anatomy. I was going to talk about breasts, but didn't feel like getting into the hooters/melons/casabas/tits discussion just yet.

It's a part of the anatomy that we erotic romance novelists have to find a comfortable name for.

So, here is my thesaurus of terms for the vagina.

Pussy (I use this one the most)
Vulva (too clinical)
Mons (also use this one)
Quim (too British for me)
Snatch (sounds illegal)
Notch (what's notched)
Bush (ugh)
Vagina (way too clinical)
Cunt (use very sparingly)
Hair pie (double ugh)
Apricot split (heh?)
Beaver (makes me think of teeth)
Bunny (too cute)
Cockpit (ROFL!)
Honey pot (a little goofy)
Mound (mound of what?)
Split tail (I'm not split!)
Poontang (this one is just weird)
Slit (it's more than a slit, man)
Twat (eh, not)
Venus Mound (it's Venus' mound?)
Hot box (I guess that's true)

I've collected these from various online sites, other authors, and just from hearing or reading them.

Personally, I use pussy more than anything and feel the most comfortable saying it. I'd love to hear what y'all think - I know this is a funky column subject, but what the hell. The blog is named SEx, after all. ;)

Tell me which ones I'm missing, which one is your favorite, or least favorite. Let 'er rip, everyone. Give it to me straight (or sideways). ;)


Blogger Meljprincess said...

CUNT is my favorite. Though once I did get into a fight with a man and woman in the Sea World parking lot after I called her the C word. OH, I just realised...Sea World...C Word....sound almost the same, eh? ,Hahahaha!

9:15 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

good morning beth,

great topic hon. you've got a couple on that list i've never heard but for the most part, you nailed it...the words, not, oh never mind. can you tell i need more coffee?

when writing i use pussy ninety-five percent of the time. i'd say you've got about sixteen of my least fav already listed ~g~.


9:47 AM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

~ meljprincess - LOL! okay, that was funny.
~ Michelle - hee hee, I need more coffee too and I'm 3 hours ahead of you!

9:54 AM  
Blogger Jennie OTN said...

LOL I used to work at a restaurant where everyone would sneak up behind you and whisper "snatch!"

One that bothers me (in books) is unsexy is that? and I can only say the word cunt when I'm playing quadsol, which is a brutal game which requires a colorful language.

some memorable ones from my misspent youth are:
cooter (no idea how this one came about)

I'll have to pester DH for some more since I am drawing a blank.


10:27 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Y. said...

I have seen "womanhood" more than a couple of times in several books.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

~ Jennie - Muff! Oh yeah, I remember that one. But cooter? Hmmm... I wonder where that one originated. Hole is definitely unromantic and a little too clinical for me. So where is that restaurant I should avoid? LOL!
~ Jennifer Y - Womanhood, yep, I've seen that one myself. I don't realy like to have everything I am associated with a vagina though. LOL! Probably why I use something a little more "colorful". :)

10:49 AM  
Blogger Sherrill Quinn said...

I'll admit I tend to get a little flowery because I don't want to overuse pussy, so I'll use "sex" and "folds", i.e., swollen folds, slick folds, feminine folds, etc. I do use cunt, but usually only in the hero's POV. I have seen "nether lips" used, but I've yet to use it myself. :)

10:54 AM  
Blogger Christy Robin said...

I've got a funny story, Beth. This weekend on my night long excursion, I had to pee in the woods for the first time in my life! I told the boys, "I'm off to find a bush." As soon as the words left my lips, I thought, "Damn it!" Thankfully they didn't pick up on my slip.


11:12 AM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

~ Sherrill - Folds is very poetic. Nice! Oh yeah, nether lips. I don't get that either. Lips? *scratches head*
~ Robin - OMG! LMAO! You slay me, woman. Off to find a bush... *still laughing*

11:18 AM  
Blogger Jennie OTN said...

*sigh* couldn't use these ones in a romace novel...well....maybe somebody could, but I know I couldn't.....

bearded clam
pink taco
Hairy cave
pink door on a brown garage....

*sigh* DH had a great time discussing these with the guys at work for me, and now they all think I'm some kind of perv...

Last night my daughter (she's five) told me that boys have peenies and girls have fine china.


11:48 AM  
Blogger Bonnie Dee said...

I like cunt, but some publishers don't seem to. Guess it seems to harsh to them. So I've turned more toward pussy. There sure seem to be a lot better descriptive words attached to the penis than to the vagina.

12:53 PM  
Blogger snowflake said...

I've also seen euphemisms like love box and secret garden.
Pussy is my favourite. Twat is probably my least favourite.

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A couple more for the list, though I am not fond of either:

cock dock

Little Lamb Lost

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Sasha White said...

I use pussy, cunt and slit. LOL It does depend on who's POV I"m in though. SOme women would never use those words, some men are ore poetic than others. *grin*

BUt uhmm Beaver is never one I'd want to use...

1:51 PM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

~ Jennie otm - LMAO! Girl, you just made me snort like a hyena! Snookie? Oh, and I love fine china. :)
~ Bonnie - I agree - why are there more attractive names for penises? We should protest.
~ Jennybrat - hey girl, secret garden? Hmmm... interesting. I'm not wild about twat either
~ Littlelamblost - Cock dock? *snicker* That's got to be a manmade nickname. No woman would say that. LOL!
~ Sasha! Yep, I wouldn't use beaver either. It's too...icky. Hee hee.

2:10 PM  
Blogger robynl said...

Some names I've heard used are:
joy hole
bat cave

2:57 PM  
Blogger Estella said...

I dislike the words cunt and twat. A lot of women I know call it their who-ha.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Jennie OTN said...

I couldn't use beaver during a sex scene, but I just used it in this context in a story I'm writing, sort of as a joke. I'd laugh myself sick if I saw it used during a serious sex description though.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Celine Chatillon said...

I guess I'm a kitty cat lover myself. :)

I've used "slick passage" and "eager hole" before. They're not the greatest, but I find "cunt" too masculine when writing from the female's POV.

Just my hang-up I guess!

I may have used "nether lips" once or twice. I'm not big on slit or twat, either. Too crude and not sophisticated enough for me. But then if the characters are more "street-wise" I could theoretically use those terms in their dialogue...

5:47 PM  
Blogger Beth Williamson said...

~ robynl - Bat cave??? That's interesting... so does the bat fly in to roost? LOL!
~ estella - LMAO! Who-ha? I'm gonna have to write that one down for my next contemp...
~ jennieotn - You'll have to share about that beaver exercise. ;)
~ celine - Ah, yes I agree with you on those points. When I'm in a female POV, definitely no twats. (Say that out loud and see how many people look at you!)

5:52 PM  
Blogger Pam P. said...

LOL on Snookie. When I was a toddler, one day a guy my grandmother Marie was dating teasingly called her Snookie and I apparently was amused and starting calling her that all the time and no one could get me to change. The name stuck and that's what she's been called to this day, now at 90.

12:07 AM  
Blogger Meljprincess said...

It's a true story, Beth. Cross my cunt lips! Heehee..

1:57 PM  

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