Wednesday, February 08, 2006

SEx ... Silver Expressions

SEx ... Silver Expressions

Ok, so it's a bit early in the day, but hey, it's when I've got more than five minutes to myself...

Well, after racking my brain for a couple of days in an attempt to come up with a topic for this blog and another hour spent in front of a blank screen trying to figure out how to even start this, I think I finally figured it out.

I’m gonna start out by giving ya’ll a little background on me so you’ll know where I’m coming from.

I’ve been a voracious reader for as long as I can remember, sneaking my mom’s books from the time I was eight. To start with her collection of Andre Norton and eventually her romance novels as well. I don’t think she realized I was reading her “racier” or “smut” books until I asked her what one of the more flowery euphemisms for a vagina meant.
To this day I still dislike reading a book where they use expressions like “He slowly thrust his sword into her sheath” or something similar. Worse yet is when they do the “fade out”. You’re all like, Yeah, they’re finally gonna get it on, then before anything really happens the chapter or paragraph breaks and it goes straight to the waking up in each others arms bit.

Although I’ve been writing for a long time, everything from poetry to romance to children’s stories (I did actually manage to get two of those published) to erotic/sensual romance, I didn’t consider myself a writer until I actually finished my first full length story.

Becoming a writer has definitely been an experience to remember for me. I never realized just how much work was involved after selling the manuscript. I did a crapload of promo work all over the place including joining a couple of Yahoo loops, which is where I got the idea for today’s blog.

A fellow member of one of the loops I belong to recently posted about something that happened with her seventeen year old son.
She’d bought a copy of a friends book (I’ve read it and it’s definitely erotic) and had been reading it in her car while she waited to pick her other kids up from school.

She put it in her glove box for safekeeping. Her son borrowed her car for something and found the book. He walked into their house a few hours later, book in hand, and said something to the effect of: “Mom, she totally did the delivery guy!”

My friend freaked a bit (those of you that are parents will understand this), seeing, instead of a seventeen year old, a two year old toddler walking around in a cute outfit.

Personally I when my son is older (say 15/16) I plan on giving him a couple of erotic stories to read (nothing I wrote because that would just be weird on so many different levels).
Well, maybe I shouldn’t say we’re going to give him the books to read, more along the lines of we’ll let him “accidentally” discover them on the comp or maybe have them accidentally downloaded to whatever form of media (i.e. laptop, Alphasmart, Palm Pilot, or whatever the equivalent is at that time) he’s using.

I’m hoping that by reading stuff like that instead of porn mags he might pick up some ideas and pointers on how to treat a woman the right way, in and out of the bedroom.
Of course this brings up another, smaller, issue. Should I include one or two books with bondage or multiple partners? Although my DH and I have already decided that he’s gonna be the one doing most of the sex talk with Drake (my currently four year old son) and I’ll be doing most of the talking with Sorcha (my currently two and a half week old daughter) should we talk about what he read afterwards?

The real question for you guys is this: Would you want your teenager reading the same type of book you read? This isn’t so much a question for you as a parent but for you as a member of today’s society. With the current lack of good sex ed in many schools do we want the next generation of men to grow up not having the faintest idea of how to actually please a woman?
I will admit that most of what I know and practice in the bedroom today was learned from books. Much like the heroine of my book “The Naughty Dagger”, my personal experiences with sex in my younger days was disappointing to say the least, with my partner generally more interested in his own gratification than in making it good for me.
Of course there were exceptions (and no offense to anyone) to that, mainly men that had been raised by a single mother or a mother that was actively involved in their lives. Those that had been left to their own devises generally didn’t have a clue. So is this what we want to wish on the women of tomorrow?

Here’s what you get out of all this

Post your thoughts and comments and you’re automatically entered to win a copy of “The Naughty Dagger”

Have fun ya’ll, I'll be popping in throughout the day to chat but right now I've gotta go back upstairs and feed a screaming infant. I swear some days I feel like a walking vending machine

Feather Marosek


Blogger Jennifer Y. said...

I agree with you about the "fade out" thing...don't like it much.

I started reading romances when I was 13, and I don't think my parents minded (at least my mom didn't since she bought them, but we never talked about them afterward). Of course these were mostly historical romances and not erotica, so they may not have been as detailed or as "racy" as some erotic books are.

Since I read them as a teen, if I am ever blessed with children, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to complain about what they read. However, I don't know what I'd do though until the situation arises. To be honest, I had never really considered this before. It'll be a while before I have to worry about it (if ever, since I have no kids), but thanks for mentioning it. I am interested in what those with kids would say about it.

1:33 AM  
Blogger Bec said...

Hey Feather, I am the mother of a fourteen year old boy and a six year old girl.

My son has only just discovered the wonder of personal hygiene and Valentine's Day (yes he actually had to ask the date).

To tell the truth, I'm thrilled that he reads. When he decides to read a 'smut book', they're in the bookcase and he can take them whenever he wants.

As for my daughter? Well I'm presuming that, just like her mother, she'll be reading my collection by the time she's ten!

3:52 AM  
Blogger J.J. Massa said...

I have 2 teenagers -- okay one's 20 now ( I was young *grin*) the 20 y/o reads everything I write - doesn't find it creepy and proudly tells her friends (trusted friends because she attends a Christian College and some don't agree with the genre) My other daughter doesn't want to read it or have her pals reading it, but she's proud that I'm doing so well. One day she's steering her friends awy from my book at B&N and the next she's passing up a meeting with R.L Stein because she has her own author right at home. LOL It's all subjective, Feather. I figure, they read all kinds of things we never know about. At least our stuff has resolution of some kind, maybe a vague moral and for sure an HEA. Why not, right?

Just my 2 bits. :) Have a GREAT day!


7:36 AM  
Blogger Feather Marosek said...

Very true J.J.
Although it's me that would be weirded out, probably not the kids. Then again I still feel kinda weird about it when me and my mom trade books and she gives me 'smut'. It's the whole "She's my MOM!" thing, you know, parents aren't supposed to have sex :)

Jennifer, I think it's the dads that would have the bigger problem with their daughters reading our books, I know my father just about had an accident when he first found out I was reading them (he was driving at the time). My mom didn't care as long as I didn't damage the books (books are sacred to the females of my family, DH has a good deal of respect for them as well).

even though my son is only four, he already loves books. Whenever he has to occupy himself it's the books he goes for, not the video games or other toys. I just hope that trend continues into his later years. If Sorcha takes after her Gramma and Mommy she'll be addicted to books from the time she can understand them. Again, I can only hope.
The few kids I know that are old enough to be reading "real" books don't seem interested and I think that is a real shame. Books are a blessing, you can take them anywhere and they are always there for you like an old friend.
Ok, on call again as a buffet :)
I'll be popping in again later

8:26 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I cannot remember how old i was when i first started reading. All i know is that i went from goosebumps & the babysitters to sweet valley (junior/high/university) and by about twelve i'd moved on to mills & boon (weren't so racy, they were older copies). Within a year of that i was reading the more *ahem* spicy M&B and silhouette - including the blaze books. I was, what, twelve, thirteen? I started reading young, but never fear theory was not put into practice at that age.

My genres is romance & romantica, i make no bones about that. Long as the genre is crossed with one of those, it can be practically anything (apart from horror *shudder*).

I don't have kids, but i know what you mean about the sex between parents being taboo in the children's minds - and grandparents! ick, even worse ! LOL! Bit irrational, really. Gotta have sex to have kids. *grin* Anyone not figured that out yet?

I know what you're on about with the bad sex education in schools. I live in the UK, and its terrible. They are currently trying to pursuade us that sex ed for 5 YEAR OLDS is a good way to go!!! i mean, come on! ridiculous!

Elizabeth (book discussion group)(join & be entered to win a $5 GC - authors & readers)

8:56 AM  
Blogger Meljprincess said...

If I had human children, I'd want them to be exposed to erotica, homosexuality, etc. at an early age. Not understanding these topics can cause problems for them as they get older. At age 18 I found out my sis is gay and it made me so mad my family didn't tell me earlier.

My cat (who is my only child) chooses not to read erotica. Instead, I've often found him cruising chats such as...MNC seeking BF. He loves him some brown suga', too. *G*

8:57 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Hart said...

*LOL* MelJPrincess, I had to chuckle at your "human children" reference. I have two human steps, no biological children, and I never censored their reading. I was thrilled that they loved to read.

As it turns out, my older stepdaughter is a very talented fantasy writer, as yet unpubbed. But I give her all the encouragement I can.

My "child" is my poodle, Ginger. She's very smart but hasn't learned to read. Yet.


9:57 AM  
Anonymous Vortex said...

Hi this is Feather's DH. :) Just call me Vortex.(usually my username on the web)

My DW is right, I do have a great respect for erotica reading(I prefer the using of the imagination as opposed to it being displayed on a screen somewhere[ie porn]) I'm kinda hoping the kids won't start reading erotica until they're mature enough to be able to handle the content. Now, don't get me wrong, this can be just about any age, ranging from 11 to 20. The problem I'm seeing nowadays is the sex being shoved down kids throats before they're ready. Do I agree with sensorship? hell, fracking no! But I do believe it is the parent's reposibility to keep an eye on the kids and notice when changes are happening in their lives to trigger events, such as sexual maturity. It is not the gorvernment's responsibility!! And when I see these changes in my kids(I hope I do anyway), I'll be ready with the apprepriate material, no porn, but yes, romance and some erotica books will be available(no real hard stuff). They can get porn and the hard erotica on their own if they like, but I would like to be an example of good taste(not sure if this is the right phrase) and the morals I feel are correct. Grant it, the hard erotica/sexual preferrances(BDSM, multiple partners, etc) are perfectly fine for mature minded adults who understand what they are getting into and can accept the responsiblilities of their actions(yea, I know most humans unfortunately have a problem with accepting responsibility for their own actions), but for teens who are just experiencing their first sexual encounters(and yes, I know, this can happen as early as 11 or 12), I don't believe such material would be appropriate.

Again, just my 2 cents, and I might be deluding myself, being a father and all, of how I hope my kids will grow up, but hey, I can have my dreams, can't I. :) Good luck everyone!!!!

10:16 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

I also started laughing as soon as I read "human children," meljprincess! I say, as long as your cat reads SOMEthing, it's a good thing.

Feather, maybe I misread your original post. My mom never censored my reading (although admitedly, there weren't many books around like we write at LSB), and I doubt I'd censor my kids' reading--as long as they were old enough to understand what they were reading. But if you're expecting reading our stuff will make an impact on how kids-turning-into-adults will behave, I'm not sure I agree.

I know lots of men who read our stuff and does it affect how they act toward their wives? It would be nice, but it's not a given.


10:33 AM  
Blogger snowflake said...

Hi Feather, I was never fond of closed door action in romance books. I think it's fine for teenagers to be exposed to erotic romance but they should also be educated at home on the practise of safe sex since fiction aren't always grounded in reality.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Feather Marosek said...

Hi Dee,
I honestly believe that everything we read has an impact of some sort or another on us.
I mean think about it, how many times have you read a book with a too stupid to live heroine and thought to yourself you'd never be like that?
Or read a book where you really admired one of the characters and maybe wished you could be more like that?
Even just those thoughts impact us sometimes longterm, sometimes not.
If it does cause a longterm change for the better, great, if not, not a big deal.

Jenny, I agree totally that safe sex and the reality of sex are things that parents should talk to their kids about. Hell, most of the schools around here don't exactly address the issue, they preach abstinence if anything. I guess they think if they don't tell the kids about sex they wont have sex. Deluded in my opinion

11:17 AM  
Blogger Rae Morgan said...

As to reading the type of books I read -- my son already does. We share the same taste in urban fantasy, and trust me, there is sex in urban fantasy. He also reads scifi and anime. Again, there is sex (maybe not romance) in those genres, especially anime.

He has read some of my books, has no issue with them, and has taken signed copies to one of the girls in his dorm since she was already a fan. I hear I am a very popular mom in abstentia. LOL

I would never censor my son's reading material -- never did. However, we would talk about reality versus fiction a lot when he was younger. More of these talks concerned the video games he was playing rather than his reading material.

I'm happy to say he always knew the difference between the real world and the pretend. In fact, I would get an "awww, Mom, I'm not stupid!" from him.

Rae Morgan

11:31 AM  
Anonymous Vortex said...

Agreed. Just because kids don't learn about issues in school, doesn't mean they won't learn about them by other means. Hell, look at our entertainment society, that includes TV, radio, books, Internet, Movies, etc. All these things kids have access to and the majority of the shows are designed toward adults or the "general" public(which according to the statistics used are adults). It is up to the parents to kind of "police"(again, not sure if it's the right term) what is happening in their kids lives(I would rather not have my 4 year old watching porn at this age), and then, when it's appropriate, to explain and help the child get all the facts of the subject matter they're experiencing.

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Vortex said...

ok, I'm getting off my soap box now. :) It's just humans have been irritating me lately. :)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Meljprincess said...

Nessie, keep an eye on Ginger and your computer. I had to set my parental controls. *G*

Dee, he likes me to read books to him. Especially, Shirley R. Murphy's "cat who" mysteries.

Vortex, humans irritate me ALL THE TIME! I need another vacation. Should I go back to Vegas, Dee? Heehee....

1:31 PM  
Blogger Mahaira said...

Feather, I started reading at 9 and it was mostly Nancy Drew, Enid Blyton, Hardy Boys, The Babysitters club. By 12 it was Shakespeare and Jane Austen (must for Eng. Lit at school). I read my first M&B at 16. Romantica came to me at a very late stage.

My mother was never a reader but I used to bring books for my lil' sis and she is an avid reader of mystery and horror now. She had full access to my racier books but never read them as they are not her cup of tea.

Even though my daughter is only 2, she loves books. I wouldn't force any reading material on her but would decide when the time actually comes.


1:34 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

Feather, oh sure everything has some impact and stays with us in one way or another. I'm just saying, a great erotic romance does not a great lover make.

If we're talking about younger readers--which is bad and why we say on our websites readers should be 18 or older--I suppose the key is what goes on in the environment. Parents too often abstain their responsibilities by not talking to their kids. That lets them find out about life from books. And no matter how wonderful I think my books are, I don't want my (hypothetical) kid discovering sex through them.


1:38 PM  
Anonymous annalisa said...

I never really worried much about any of my 4 children reading inappropriate books because only my youngest (who's now 22) even likes to read. I am very disappointed that all of them don't like to read. They were always playing sports or doing a lot of homework during their teenage years. My other daughter who's 25 is in grad school now, and she says she never has time to read anything excerpt for her school books. Maybe that will change one day. I hope so! I have a varied selection of books she could choose from to read. I have only been reading romantica for a few years so I don't have as many of that type of book as I do other kinds of fiction. If she or my other daughter would like to read any of my romantica books, I would let them since I figure they are adults now. When they were younger, I probably would not have let them.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Bonnie Dee said...

My girls range from 17 to 23. They're not ignorant, although the younger two are still virgins. We watch Sex and the City together and it brings up a lot of good discussion about not only sex but male/female relationships. Dialogue with your kids is always a good thing.
They know what kind of stuff I'm writing. None of them wants to read it 'cause the idea of mom's "porny books" is too squicky.

I wouldn't have a problem with them reading other peoples' well done erotica, but they're not interested in romance books of any kind. The oldest likes stories about people overcoming adversity, the other two are heavy into anime and fantasy worlds. So it's a non-issue in our family.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Bec said...

Oh I forgot to tell you! My poor son has no choice but to be aware of what I write.

One night I was editing madly when hubby called out 'Bec, dinner's ready'...LOL...I called back "Give me two seconds, I'm in the middle of a threesome!" From the dining room there came a tortured groan...'Ohhhh MUM!'.

Oh and Patrick is currently reading some stuff by Robin Hobb...definitely sex in there! Very cleverly written...but definitely sex!

Oh and Elizabeth, just check on the Sex Ed. for five year olds...we do that over here but it's primarily to teach them about what others aren't allowed to touch (LOL...until they're much much older and give permission).

3:57 PM  
Blogger Pamk said...

lol this really hit home with me I have a 16 yr old. And he loves to read the type of books that I do vamps, scifi anything paranormal. I finished a book the other day and handed it to him to read. It wasn't erotica. But some of the books I read he'd love and if he ever expresses an interest in the momma books as he calls them I would let him read most of them. I'm just not interested in buying him an ebookreader

7:57 PM  
Blogger LSB Author, Darragha Foster said...

My daughter answered this one:

"Hell, no."

I read stuff (stolen from my mother's closet) when I was her age that would make your toe hairs curl. Thirteen and a copy of "The Happy Hooker." Woah, Nelly!

However, my daughter isn't interested in reading my smutty books. She BEGS me daily to work on my young adult stuff.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Amy S. said...

I don't have any kids yet. I started reading romance books when I was 13. My aunt gave me my first romance book. I think it would be okay to let a teenager read romance books. I hope at least that they would like to read. My niece doesn't like to read. She is supposed to have reading points in school and they are having trouble getting her to read any books for the points.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Feather Marosek said...

And PamK wins the download of 'The Naughty Dagger'!
Hey Pam, email me offlist at
so I can email it to you
Minus the space of course :)

11:20 PM  
Blogger Kayelle Allen said...

It's late but had to jump in with a comment. My kids are all adults and none of them reads my writing. One got through chapter 3 and was absolutely fascinated by the story. Then he hit the threesome with the empress and two of her male pleasure slaves.

He slammed the book shut, gulped, looked around a bit wild-eyed and said, "Mom! Did you write *this*?"


11:31 PM  

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