Thursday, January 12, 2006

Are you ready for some SEx - Part 2

You came back for more ~smiles~, thanks, babe.

So you ready to get the skinny on other great places to take a vacation?

Let’s jump right in and see what we have.

Oh, wait … make sure you get to the bottom of this post or you’ll miss the contest ~eg~.

Dateline - Illinois:
Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister.

Say it with me “what the fuck?”

Dateline – Oblong, Illinois:
It is a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

I can see it now:
Not a ripple of wind stirred the mirror like surface of the water as the sun slowly set below the western hills.

She still wore her wedding veil even though the beautiful white dress laid in pieces on the muddy banks of the small fishing pond.

Birds silently winged their way across the sky above, their beaks split in a smile at the sight below.

He was sitting on the small wooden stool in the aft portion of the boat fishing pole in one hand, a stupid hat perched on his head, and his new bride straddling his lap.

His head jerked back and forth as her body bounced up and down on his rock hard cock.

"Honey, could you slow down a little, I can’t see the end of my pole."

"Oh, oh, I’m cominggggggggggggggggg."

"Shhh…you’ll scare the fish away."

"Fuck me baby, make me come." She cried out, still bouncing rapidly up and down.

"For the love of Pete will you keep it down, I’m trying to fish here."

"OHHHHH, it’s coming, it’s coming. Hook me baby."

"Great, now I’ve lost it. See what all your yelling did."

With a dreamy look in her eyes, she sighed, "Fishing is fun."

"It was until I married you."

Dateline – Ames, Iowa:
A husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.

Written by the chug-a-lug champ.

Dateline – Alexandria, Minnesota:
It’s illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.

Yippie…Alexandria, Minnesota here I come.

Dateline – Bozeman, Montana:
You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, if you are nude.

Plan your trip to Bozeman in the fall. It’s warm enough to be in the front yard and still cool enough to perform sexual acts with your clothes on. Pass the binoculars and HQ, please.

You have to wonder at this point if politicians have brains and what inspired these laws? That’s the contest my pretties.

Find a law, any law posted here and give me a quick idea of why you think the law became necessary. Everyone who posts gets their name in a drawing for a fab-u-lous prize.


Blogger Michelle said... ya!

You know I wouldn't make you work that hard to win one of my contests ~grinz~.

Just say hi and your entered. Unless of course you want to answer my question. Cause if you do, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Jenna Howard said...

So, in Bozeman does that mean you can have sex in any back yard naked? Maybe along the side of the house? What about the roof? What about the roof, people?

Always looking for a loophole.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

So I was looking for a new place to live, ya feel me? And now, I've ruled some places out...

"Dateline – Bozeman, Montana:
You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, if you are nude."

Well, if I can't be bare assed naked in my front yard for all the neighbors to see whilst I ride my man to victory--sex just ain't worth havin'. No MT. LMAO

"Dateline – Florida State:
From this day forward it will be illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons."

I don't know about you, but us single women have to do SOMETHING to entertain ourselves on a Sunday besides church. WHat would my weekeneds be like if I didn't have parachuting to look forward to? No Fla.

"Dateline – Washington State:
It is against the law to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances, (including the wedding night)."

I knew you lived in a state of Heathens, Michelle! Philistines, I say. Good thing the word reconstituted isn't in there because I would have had toreconsider moving in with you when the boys are gone and I have nowhere to live but my cardboardbox. LOLLOL

And finally...I think I may have found my dream state. Finally a state that makes sense!

"Dateline – Ventura Country, California:
All cats and dogs wishing to have sex MUST obtain a permit."

I've decided that while some might find this ridiculous, I personally, with two dogs and two cats, think it's only right they should have to go through even HALF of the rigamarole I do to boink. LOLLOLLOL

Sing with me...California here I come...

Dakota :)

10:48 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

That is a very good question, Jenna. I'd think the roof might be a little on the dangerous side, but hey, whatever floats your boat!

"I knew you lived in a state of Heathens, Michelle! Philistines, I say."

OY's my little scooter pie, LOL. It's the rain, I tell you! Oh and remember you need to get your cardboardbox laminated before you move here, again it's the rain!


11:45 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Ok I found this one?
In Portland a woman cannot be tickled under the chin by a feather duster.
I have no idea why this would have even been made into a law

11:51 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I also found these:
Laws prohibit the selling of condoms through vending machines in gas stations and stores-with one major exception. Prophylactics mat be dispensed by vending machines only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises"

In Halethrope it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Ok I laughed at this one:
In Utah No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Y. said...

So..."You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, if you are nude"

What if you are wearing some clothes? And does this mean even front yards that don't belong to you? LOL.

Some politician must have gotten caught in a neighbor's yard and the others decided to make it a law...LOL.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Jennifer Y. said...

oh and what about before sundown? (see above comment) LOL.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Yes, but, Beth, does it say you can't use a feather duster elsewhere? ~EG~. Okay, Halethrope is off my list of places to visit EVER!! I'd seen the Utah one before and I say the women of Tremonton need to stage a revolt.

Jennifer, I think a trip to Bozeman may be necessary. It's just a hop, skip, and jump from Washington and if I go, I can get the skiny on this law. Test the boundaries so to speak!


12:19 PM  
Blogger Jenna Howard said...

Wow...I think I need to get into politics.

They're a political party in BC. God damn! Why has no one told me this before? And why aren't they in our federal election. I'd pay attention to the debates then.

12:19 PM  
Blogger robynl said...

If a police officer suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.

*My idea on this would be that the couple might be so startled that the guy's erection would stay and even swell more from fear/anxiety and they would not be able to pull apart. How embarrassing!!!

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Jillian said...

Hi, Michelle
Great conversation as always.

Beth, My husband works in Portland, Maine, as a police officer. He didn't realize all the people he'll have to now arrest. I'll have to hid my feather duster...


1:15 PM  
Blogger Amy S. said...


Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

It's illegal to have sex in any other than the missionary position. Giving head is illegal too.


In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an
automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.


In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

"Say it with me “what the fuck?” "

Michelle, you're hilarious!!

And what can you expect from a place called Oblong?? Makes you wonder a little about the shape of a man's ... you know... in a town called OBLONG.


1:25 PM  
Blogger snowflake said...

>>Dateline – Florida State:
From this day forward it will be illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons<<
The number of single men is at an all time high and they want to encourage women to get married.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Bonita said...

Hi, Michelle. Sorry I can not chat today because I have to shop then go to work. Have a wonderful day.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Jenna...thanks for the site, I want to join!!

OMG Robynl, you can't imagine what image jumped in my head when I read your post LOL...well seriously, maybe you can!!!

Hi Jullian, thanks hon. Glad you joined us. Tell your hubby to get extra handcuffs. Hmmmm, you think he could get me a pair too?

Thanks Amy S., I wonder if they mean the time they are working 'shifts' or the actual shift of the cars engine?

Hiya Dee. You just like when I say fuck. Come on admit it!! I don't even want to wonder about the shape of the men's ... you know ...
PENIS, Dee, it's called a PENIS. HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHA Jenny, I wonder if it's working?

1:40 PM  
Blogger Isabella Jordan said...


Any person, not being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any other person, shall be guilty of fornication, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.

K, so does this mean since I'm married that I CAN have sexual intercourse with any other person? WEEEEE DOGGGIES? Where's Viggo Mortensen??!? *snort*

1:50 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

So, my little excursion, when I was short of breath in an ambulance in Utah is subject to publication?

Wow, look at me all scandal like. LMAO

Dakota :)

2:06 PM  
Blogger Jeanette J said...

If anyone has tried to make love with someone who has "not so sweet breath" then you can see why this law became necessary.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

" You just like when I say fuck. "

It's a sickness. Is there self help group for people like me??


2:49 PM  
Blogger Estella said...

I think maybe the women had something to do with the garlic breath law. They probably had someone on the side and used a lot of garlic and onions in their cooking so they wouldn't have to make love to their husbands.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Isy, babe, darlin...I do believe that is what the laws says. I'm moving to Virginia.

LOL, Dakota...was he at least cute?

That's true JeanetteJ!

Let me do a google search!!

ROFLMAO, Estella...omg, that's good!

2:57 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

Dang - no parachuting on Sunday afternoon, there goes the ability to try for the Tandem Parachuting-While-Having-Sex title.

Of course, the pain probably wouldn't be worth the prize....


2:59 PM  
Anonymous annalisa said...

Hi Michelle,

I've been laughing the entire time since I began reading all the blogs for today! Your blog is hysterical! It's put me in a very good mood - just in time for my husband coming home! :)

3:22 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

"Tandem Parachuting-While-Having-Sex title."
Maura, babe, I think you have to go to New Mexico for that one.

Thank you Annalisa, glad you've enjoyed the blogs. ~smiles~ good mood + hubby = uhlala

3:29 PM  
Blogger Tamara said...

Dateline – Coeur d’Alene, Idaho:
If a police officer suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.

Probably a politician was caught with his mistress having sex in a car and the other cheating politicians wanted to make sure they had time to sit up straighten thier clothes and be able to claim they were only taking their secretary home.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

LMAO Tamara...good reason!


3:47 PM  
Anonymous shellya said...

these are so crazy. I'm willing to bet that they were the results of trying to please women. In Oblong, Ill. they probably made the law so that the women would even have a wedding night. In Ames, Iowa so that the husband would not get drunk in bed. And the Bozeman, Montana law was probably a "see no evil" type of thing. :)

4:06 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh Shellya,
Now that is a great obseversation, babe. The woman behind the man kind of thing. Hmmmm, I may have to reconsider the benefits of some of these laws.


4:14 PM  
Blogger Barbara K said...

I'm received two emails for my Silver Expressions drawing that ended three days ago.

Should I forward them to you, Michelle?

Barbara K.

5:39 PM  
Blogger bamabelle said...

These are too funny! Here is one from my neck of the woods:

In Anniston, Alabama an old ordinance bans women from using promises of certain physical activities to pay off a bet on a match they are playing. Nor may they initiate sex while hanging around a pool hall.

All I can say is, sorry about that one, but I did win lol!

5:50 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Hi Barbara K,

Don't know that you need to Barb. My contest requires them to post here at the blog.

Thanks though

6:18 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Hiya, Bamabelle,

Sounds like Anniston is off my list of places to visit as well. How can they ban strip pool? ~eg~.

6:19 PM  
Blogger Pamk said...

i absolutely agree with Isabella. Viggo or colin farrell either would be good. And Michelle WTF is a good reply for that one. Whoever passed that law must have had a napoleon complex ya know small everything. lol

6:38 PM  
Blogger Christiana said...

::blinks:: Since I Have spent the better part of 5 years in Illinois as a single woman..::Snickers:: I'd like to argue that no one has ever addressed a single guy as master in my presence, and I personally wouldn't, unless he had a whip and hand cuffs lol

hmm do the laws have to relate to sex? because if they don't I can give you a lot of interesting ones that will make you smile.

1. In the state of colorado...
You can wear a gun in a holster as long as it's in plain sight. (In the town I grew up in, up in the rockies this was a regular sight.)

Every business must have a hitching post in front of it. (you would not believe how many are breaking this one).

and lastly... You can not drive a motorized car on the roadway because it scares the horses. (oops?)

on to sex related, I know in many sections of Florida (where I hang my whip these days) The only legal sexual position is Missionary, now how many people to do you think really obey that one?

7:37 PM  
Blogger Christiana said...

Hey Michelle, It's more fun to work for the contest, ::Winks:: oh, and as to why these laws come into being, the same way warnings get put on things, because someone does that thing they are warned against. Or some anti-sex crusader managed to get enough higher ups to agree to get the law passed ::wrinkles nose:: and here's another state to cross of the live in list, Did you know, that in the state of West Virginia, a husband can beat his wife on the courthouse steps. (And according to a friend who lives there, they still honor this one.) Of course, I would get in so much trouble with this one... wouldn't you? I mean WTF In this day and age, it's not let the neanderthal's have their way with the women, so can we get rid of the archaic laws already?

Okies, I'm done ranting about stupid laws, really I am.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

LOL PamK, napoleon complex...good one, babe.

Oh my Christiana, you've been busy looking for silly laws I see. I love the one about the cars scaring the horses...damn automobiles!


8:49 PM  
Blogger Christiana said...

Not busy looking for them, Stupid ones found in the line of defending my actions. ::innocent look:: After all A girl must defend why she carries a gun, ::nods:: Ok so Badgers are mean little critters and the cops thought it was funny that at 16 I shot better than they did, I just scared the critter instead of killin it. It worked, the badger learned to leave m'horses alone. hmmm... story idea... yep definately must pursue that line... ::grins::

9:31 PM  

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