Drunk & Disorderly

Okay so I'm not drunk. I was told several times to not imbibe when I was blogging today so I'm sober. Disorderly is another thing entirely.

I've been freaking out. What do I blog about? I stalked everyone: my loops, my blog. And everyone told me the same thing "Oh, Jenna, you'll do fine." Then I witnessed Vanessa's sex day. I have to follow a blog on sex. Talk about a hard act to follow.

I thought of doing a theme but another confession: I really suck at themes so every one of you - hooped. You are soooo hooped. Heck...I'm hooped. Cuz I have nothing.

I briefly thought of telling about a day in the life of me, because let's face it, I'm very important people. However I'm also absolutely dull. I work, I check my blog and email. I pretend I write but mostly I delete. *cough* Love me my editors!

It was suggested I recycle one of my own blogs. Gasp! Are you kidding me? I tried. Really but I thought, "What if they love my random babbling on SEx then go to my blog and find out that I'm a hack?" God...where's my paper bag? Let me take a few minutes as I hyperventilate.

I was told to brag about my friends. They rock. 'Nuf about them.

So what does that leave me with? Not much.

I'm here for one reason. Well, two if you count dumb effin' luck. All my life I said "When I grow up, I'm going to be a writer." I didn't realize that as long as I was writing *cough...writing, Jenna...see that...wri-ting* I was a writer. For me there have always been words. Words in my eyes, words in my head. I live in Jennaland. It's a nice place. Heroes galore, heroines that make me feel dowdy and dull, and adventures. Ooh the adventures. Where else but in Jennaland do I get to kill the bad guys, bag the sexy guy while partaking in raunchy monkey sex and solve all my personal issues? Oh yeah, Jennaland rocks.

A year ago my critique partner (one of my rockin' friends so ya know) told me about the LSB Zodiac contest. Did I listen to her? Um...no. "What," I said as stared at the rules, "do I know about Zodiac signs?" Well, I'm Pisces and...and...and. 'Nuf said. So no matter how many times I went and checked out the contest rules, I vowed I wasn't going to enter the contest. I almost didn't until one night (1 a.m.) this sultry voice said "My name is Scorpio and I'm assassin."

"Yeah," says I, "and your point is?" Wow, me, I'm thinking.

"I'm your heroine."

Uh. Pardon me. Say what?

Okay, my heroines have never made a living with a sniper rifle. They're librarians, booksellers, secretaries. Nice girls. They aren't crack shots. So, with an armed Mattie (my characters haunt me - they usually carry a weapon and they threaten me. Bastards.) I wrote. I wrote fast because *ahem* I only had a month. Nothing like a little pressure and a gun-totting heroine to make me sweat. Jennaland, I was learning, was a dangerous place to visit. What happened to all the la-la and fairydust sprinkling down like rain? Nope. Bullet brass, villains who needed to die and dark. Oh it was dark. I was in paradise.

It's because of my crit partner Kate that I'm blogging today about nothing. First she found LSB. Second she said "Hey, it's a contract if you win." Third she said "I looove Mattie. Can I be Mattie?" She gave me the courage to follow my dreams. No. That's not true. She pretty much pushed me off the cliff and talked me through the hyperventilating when I hit send with my contest entry. Did the landing hurt? Nah, my mom put me in gymnastics to teach me how to fall (I fall a lot). She says it was because I was bendy but truth is she had to know her favorite child (sorry bro but it's true) was a klutz and needed to know how to roll when she was falling face first to the ground.

So, my blog concludes with nothing being said. But visit today so I don't feel like a total loser and I'll give a non-LSBer a copy of Scorpio.

Now...is it too early to have that drink?