Did you hear the one . . .

about the guy with a wooden leg?

Neither have I, so I can’t tell you that one. Actually, I have most likely heard it, just can’t remember jokes very well. My brain is like the old warehouse where you line file cabinets from floor to ceiling in tight little rows and hope to heaven you can remember where you put something ten years later. I usually can’t ~smiles~.

So to bring you today’s blog I did want any good joke teller will do, I went on the internet and did a search for jokes. OMG, have you see how many sites come up when you type the word joke into a search engine. I had no idea there could be numbers with that many comma’s.

After digging my way through several sites, I found a couple of jokes that made me giggle. How about we start with the one about two women at a cocktail party?

The first woman asked the second, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Now don’t tell me that isn’t something most women have felt at one time or another in their married life. It’s usually on those days when the man who gave you that ring is being, well, stupid.

I realized something in my ‘joke’ search. Most of the jokes were pretty clean. Got me to wondering what I’d need to type into the search to find something more colorful. Pssst…try SEX. Yep, that did it for sure. This gem is one of the first I read

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"

And so they did. As they were lying in bed afterward, the man thought to himself, "My God, if I’d known she was a virgin, I would’ve been much more gentle!"

And the woman thought to herself, "My God, if I’d known the old geezer could actually get it up, I would’ve taken off my panty hose!"

Jokes are likely as old as mankind. I’m sure somewhere in a cave yet undiscovered there is a cave picture which will reveal the humorous nature of those wacky ancestors who climbed down from the trees and first walked on two legs.

Who doesn’t enjoy a good comedian? There are so many gems spouted by these people who most likely spent their entire elementary school careers sitting in the hall. Here are a few of my favorites:

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." --George Burns

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.” --Unknown

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."-- Sharon Stone

I love jokes and I was actually able to find the right file drawer for two jokes that for some reason have stayed with me for years and when I want them they come.

How can you tell if a man is lazy?
He marries a pregnant woman!

Okay, so how funny is that?

And now:
One day a gent from the city decides it’s time to get back to nature. He quits his job and heads for the great farm lands, buys a chicken ranch and sets up shop.

Realizing he needs chicks he heads to the local feed and grain store. Standing at the counter he tells the clerk, “I’d like to buy 500 chicks.”

After loading the chicks in his truck, the gent heads back to the ranch.

The next week, the store clerk sells the newest rancher in town 500 more chicks.

The next week, when the man from the city arrives at the feed and grain to buy 500 more chicks the clerk slips into the back room and tells the boss, “You gotta come meet this guy. This is his third load of chicks in three weeks. He’s going to have the biggest chick ranch in the county.

The owner of the store walks out fronts and introduces himself to the gent. “I hear you’re doing a bang up job with your chicken ranch.” The owner smiles at his new biggest client.

“Actually, no,” replies the man from the city.

“Oh?” The store owner asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Well, I’m not sure.” Mr. City responds, “either I’m burying them too deep or watering them too much.”

Now, don’t ask me why I remember a joke as silly as this, but I do. So tell me, what’s the one joke you’ve heard that has stayed with you for years?

I’ll be here all day, so stop back often if you can. Make sure you post a hello to be entered in my contest. I’ll post details about it a little later this morning.

Michelle