Sunday, January 22, 2006

Got Wood?

Again, 'tis I, intrepid seeker of all things secret, Dakota Cassidy. Here with yet another bunch of naughty secrets to thrill, chill, delight and amaze you. Well, maybe you'll just be freaked out, but I take what I can get. LOL

Hoookay, so today we touch on a topic that is rather sensitive. However, seeing as I ain't the sensitive type, I'm just gonna hit y'all upside the head with it.

Oh, and remember DO NOT consider this a PROMO of any kind. Our old rules still apply. I will not, won't ever, wouldn't dream of telling you that LSB has some superb books and authors. I couldn't sleep at night if I thought you believed I'd hock someone's wares all out in public like that. It's blatant and if you know me, you'll know I am the sole of discretion...

(shut up, Michelle!) Ahem...

I'll also have you know, that I had to dig DEEP for this stuff. I mean, I'm bone weary. These LSB broads know how to make ya sweat and I don't just mean in a naughty love scene. Of course I don't mean that. That would be PROMO and it's not allowed on my watch. I'll take your gratitude in the form of checks made payable to THE DAKOTA NEEDS A NEW TIARA FUND. LOL

Okay, today's topic is -- Got Wood?

Lawd, did I get more than just some wood :)

Here's the skinny, I asked all of the authors of LSB to tell me if they'd ever had a past boyfriend or even if their hubbies and significant others, had a pet name for their pistols of passion.

Yes, I mean their procreators. Their weapons of mass destruction. Their PACKAGES. All men do, or at least most men do. They're terribly fond of the southern locales on their bodies. It only stands to reason that the island in tropical nether parts should have a name, yes? Of course it should. Any real man will tell you that.

I know, I know, you're all just chomping at the bit to know what I know, aren't you? Good gravy, did I have to dig for this stuff. If you only knew what I go through month after month. I think I broke a nail getting the scoop this time...

So, I've got lot's of names for a guys business when I write. I call it the meat whistle, the mighty fuck stick, the love gun, mini-me, magic Johnson, woody, the bologna pony, all sorts of stuff when my characters engage in dialogue. However, I had absolutely NO IDEA that the fine ladies of LSB and their DH's were so sordid, naughty, innovative. Well, there are some ex boyfriends in there too, but who am I to squabble?

We begin with author, Tracy Sharp--she wrote a book, but I simply cannot share with you the name of it, Cuz that would be PROMO. RepochickbluesRepochickblues. Tracy had a boyfriend and he liked to pretend he was French. Oui, oui, he did. He called his little buddy, Henri and he did it with a French accent. When she revealed this steamy morsel, I think I snorted Pepsi out of my nose. LOLLOL. Croissants, anyone?

Now, Darragha Foster says that she's encountered various ways one would choose to portray their little guy. "Who's your friend" and "Honking big one" was the turn of phrase, I believe. It makes you wonder just who your friends are, eh? In her novella (notapromonotapromo), for instance, she calls it a popsicle, tasty freeze and stalagmite. I think that book is called Cold Hard Kash, but I wouldn't know because this isn't a PROMO. LOLLOL

Rae Morgan's hubby has a veeerrry distinct name for it. He calls it the Purple Penis of Pleasure. Do you think it really is purple? I'm not sure I'm a believer. Seeing is believing, wouldn't you agree? Talk about your color wheel of life gone awry, huh? Do you think her heroes in her books, like the 4th Coven of the Wolf book that will be in the Zodiac Pisces, due out on Feb. 20th with another author Sherrill Quinn, use that term? Hmmmmmmmmm. I can't say for sure because this IS NOT A PROMO.

Sorry, I got a little zealous there. Phew.

Robin Danner has a friend whose name is Ben. Sigh...yes, indeed, you guessed it, he calls it Little Benji. Robin, a fine author of a book I refuse to promote (Vixen Virgens with Beth Williamson) wondered why he doesn't call it BIG BEN. Maybe he's modest? LOLLOL.

Speaking of Beth Williamson, she had someone in her life that simply called his nether friend, Candy. Like the Whoppers, ya think? Nooooo, indeed not. What he meant was "Want some candy, little girl?". Oy, vay even. Where are men like that when you need a good giggle?

Tiffany Aaron Sacks her Quarterback (notapromonotapromo) with the words pickle and Johnson. I think magic and Johnson go better together, don't you? Who am I to tell you what to call your er, friends...

Tina Holland says that her entire family has a name for their little buddies. Inadvertently, a rather odd trend began in her family. Her mother is married to a Dick, her sister is married to a Rod and her cousin is married to a Peter. This -- well, THIS speaks therapy in a very LOUD volume, yes? LOL

Let's see...who's left? Oh, I know. The diva of all diva's, troublemaker divine, Michelle Hoppe. I just shook my head when I read about her garage escapades and a thing called bemis. Don't ask, because again, I have nothing left. Something about being four years old and a you show me yours and I'll show you mine kinda deal.

Yeah, everybody say it with me -- riiiiiiiiight. LOLLOL

This concludes my dirt seeking mission for this month. The fine authors of LSB have left me weary. I'm spent from digging up the naughtiest of naughty for you and now, I really gotta get a massage and a manicure, cuz when I dug for the dirt, Michelle broke my nail. LOLLOL

Please enter the contest--all ya gotta do is sign your name to the blog and check back later tonight for the winner. E-mail me and I'll send you your boo-tay. That's it! Know what you'll win? I can't tell you ALL of the surprise -- *GodivachocolatesGodivachocolates*, but I promise, you won't be disappointed.

So do say hello to us and by all means, if you have a special name that you'd like to share--I'd LOVE to hear it!

Until next time -- This is Dakota Cassidy with all the dirt on some of erotica's hottest authors (some still under her nails) at Liquid Silver Books!

65 Comments:

Blogger Cattwmn said...

Ladies at Silver Expressions: Thanks for the GREAT times spent reading your books!

2:45 AM  
Blogger robynl said...

Now this was a great read; thanks so much for the digging Dakota and sorry about your broken nail. Ladies, thanks for sharing the names. Some are cute and by the way, purple is my favorite color.

5:37 AM  
Blogger snowflake said...

Now this is a fun topic. I had a bf who called it his little bird.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Debby said...

Hi Dakota,
I enjoyed the article. It was fun torea. Enjoy your day. Oh and HI!
Debby

6:31 AM  
Blogger Ellen Bunch said...

Hi Dakota,

Have a great day! "Honking big one" was my favorite. It gives a whole new video to the bumper sticker "Honk if you're horny!"

6:44 AM  
Blogger Maureen said...

Your blogs are always fun to read. Thanks for the laughs.

6:44 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Hey Dakota

First, you get a song stuck in my head (fly me to the moon, great turn of phrase blog me to the moon). Then, you just gotta go that one step further huh? Not content with the song, you gotta make me roll around on the floor and get covered in dog hair. Satsified now? Or is there something else yet to come? *squinting suspiciously*. Seriously (nah, who wants to b serious?) that was hilarious. I especially like the dick, rod and peter. *chuckle*

Elizabeth
www.elizabethsreviews.blogspot.com

6:55 AM  
Blogger lynangel said...

Enjoyed reading all the names. Purple hmm..........love purple! A long ago boyfriend called his the passionate pistol.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Computer Nerd --- Hard Drive

9:00 AM  
Blogger Lynn said...

computer nerd - Hard Drive

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

I love your blog topic! LOL It's a perfect "Dakota" topic! Thanks for the morning giggle!


Pam

9:09 AM  
Blogger Pink Pen said...

I dated a guy once and asked him if he'd named his... he hadn't and spent many days thinking about it, 'til he finally settled on....

Biff.

Yeah, it's no purple penis of pleasure *grin*

9:29 AM  
Blogger Marilyn said...

This is my first time here, I will be BACKKKKKKKK....What fun

9:30 AM  
Blogger Meljprincess said...

Dakota, I had so much fun reading your blog post. I laughed and laughed.

I like "meat 'n two bits" and "twigs and berries"

I dated a guy with a big one that curved to the left so everyone called him "lefty". He got no complaints from me. lol!

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Cherie said...

Dakota, your blogs always crack me up. Thanks for the laugh today. Had a rough night with the baby last night and was feeling really tired today so this helped alot.

9:58 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Morning, lemon custard with whip cream and a cherry,

Why, why would you think I'd doubt your claim to be the "sole of discretion", I'm crushed, no really I am ~see me pouting~.

You know something, cheese whiz, if you'd report my stories the way I tell them to you, they might make more sense, LOL!

As always, your blog was a hoot to read and now, I'm going to see if I can find the glue so we can fix that fingernail of yours, so stop whining ~grinz~.

Michelle Hoppe

10:21 AM  
Anonymous barbara aka hotmama said...

gotta love your reseach. Maybe that's what's missing in one of my stories, the hero needs to name his equipment LOL

10:36 AM  
Blogger BINABUG said...

wow my first blog post ever
took me like a gazillion years to figure it out
so are blogs a fad or a thing to stay?

just another one of those furbys.....

10:41 AM  
Blogger Mahaira said...

There's always something silly
Of that little Willy!

My friend's hubby calls his Junior, he usually says "Junior is awake." ;) Mine calls his 'soldier'. I know somebody who calls it ''buddie.'' So now it's like, ''does buddie wanna come out and play'' haha.

Thanks for the laughs,
Mahaira

10:45 AM  
Blogger Pam P. said...

Dakota, you always give me a good chuckle - thanks.

Pam P.

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Shaiha said...

Had to ask my husband and his reply "no and I never understood why someone would feel the need". Anyways loved your blog. What a hoot to wake up too!

10:58 AM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

What a way to start the day, Dakota! I loved your comments. It's so funny I was talking to my DIL's the other day about how all men seem to have to name theirs.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Bonita said...

OMG, what a delicate subject matter! LMHO Oh, yes they name their counterpoints.

11:29 AM  
Blogger cissi said...

I haven't laughed so hard in a while! Thanks for a great read and for getting your hands dirty to dig this dirt!!

11:31 AM  
Blogger KimW said...

hahaha! You're funny Dakota. Thanks for the morning laugh.

11:36 AM  
Blogger LSB Author, Darragha Foster said...

Thanks for the nopromo!

Kash, with his tasty-freeze and DH with his "friend" thank you. :)

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You never cease to make me laugh, even when I have a migraine and can't find anything else to smile about today, you force one out of me. Thanks!

Pennie M.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Y. said...

I loved the post...very enlightening...LOL!!!!

-Jennifer Y.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

LOL Dakota,

So I had to ask Joe if he ever named his, because I had never heard him refer to it other than the regular names, he said and I quote "No but he is up for some suggestions, but only from people who have utilized it" eyeroll LOL Renee'

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO

Morning, Dakota darling!
What a wonderful in-depth research project! I needed a good laugh and you definitely delivered.

Candy was my favorite name. What a character!

Hugs,
Patti

12:25 PM  
Blogger ChristyJan said...

This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've ever read.

I don't have any special names to contribute, but, a couple of years ago I flew to Denver and my best friend took me to see Puppetry of the Penis. We got to see some interesting "dick tricks". My favorites had to be the Loch Ness Monster, a hamburger and a sea anemone.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Pamk said...

Dakota you a hoot. I alway love it when its your day to blog cause your always good for a chuckle or two. My dh calls his junior too.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Dakota!
I would have replied sooner, but I was cleaning the Pepsi off my screen....
What a hoot of a topic! I won't ask you what inspired it, because I'm a'skairt of the answer...
:)
Fuzz

12:57 PM  
Anonymous shellya said...

After reading today's blog, thank you for starting my day with a giggle. Great topic. :)

1:04 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

HOLY TOLEDO, Ladies! I'm soooo sorry. I had no power here for a bit. We've finally gotten some rain and well, it knocked out the electricity. LOL

Only in TX!

DC :)

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Erin the Innocent said...

I'm too innocent for this topic.

Erin the Innocent

1:22 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Hookay--here I go. Many thanks to Cattwmn, Robyn, GOD LOVE YOU for seeing I've suffered so. LOL. Jenny? Was it a pigeon? LOL. Debby, Ellen, Maureen-thanks, dolls. Elizabeth--I only want your world to be filled with many snorts, not so much the dog hair, I'll send duct tape for removal. LOl. Thanks, sweetie!

Lynangel, Lyn, Pam, thanks for stopping by. You've made me smile.

Pink Pen? No freakin' way--did he have a Buffy too? They seem like they'd be a perfect couple. LOL

Marilyn--Welcome--visit often, we'd love to have you!
Meljprincess--I'm glad you giggled, it's what I live for.
Cherie--Thank you, sxweetie--come back much.
Michelle--Liar, liar, pants on fire
Barbara--hello!
Binabug--Rock on, Sistah! I think blogs just might be the new wave :)
Mahaira and Pam P--Smooches
bonita, KimW, Cissie--Laughter makes my world go 'round. Thank you!

Penny--feel well, m'love and keep laughing.
Jennifer--thank you!
Darragha--yer my idol. You, wild woman, you.
Patti!-hey, babes--I love ya :)
Renee--tell Joe I have to see first, then I can appropriately name it. LMAO
Christyjan--Thank you, cookie. Glad you stopped by!
Fuzz--you nut. LMAO
Shellya--Welcome and thank you.
PamK--Thank you!
Erin--Oh, puulleease. LOL

Thank you ALL for stopping by--keep coming back, would you? We'd love to have you!

Dakota :)

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,what a funny subject.I wonder why we call the male's pecker heads?

1:41 PM  
Blogger Estella said...

This is a real fun topic. I had a bf who called his Cadillac--because he always wanted to park it in "garage".

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Dakota, the blog should come with a warning "no drinking of beverages while reading"

Diane McConnell

1:53 PM  
Blogger blackroze37 -tami said...

well my worst half,, i named his plain old GEORGE , lol i dont even remeber what weird name he had then , but i named it that to aggravte him, i had 1 bf, i dont really know y, i was shy then , his was name ' whistle'
but surprising when i was younger, i didnt think to ask or talk to other women lol

1:55 PM  
Blogger kaisquared said...

LOL Thank goodness for your "no promo" policy, Dakota!

Odd names I have heard include "one-eyed trouser trout" and "Purple Helmeted Love Warrior"...


I love the "Candy" and the Dick, Rod, Peter family... ROFLMAO

2:21 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

Dang Dakota,

Now Joe said that you would have to supply proper incentive for you to be able to give it a proper naming. He said he wouldn't want you to name it improperly LOL

Renee'

2:25 PM  
Blogger Caffey said...

Can anyone say 10 times real fast without starting to blunder, ' Purple Penis Pleasure' I tried and with P words you start to spit, LOL.

Hey can I tell a secret, no one knows me, LOL, but we love racing and there was a driver, now retired called Dick Trickle. hehe. And during an activity, LOL, I would shot out 'Dick;s Trickling' ROFL
Cathie
PS I can't have chocolate :( But I want in, LOL
TBRAnxiety

2:30 PM  
Blogger Landra Lynn said...

LMAO Dakota! Reminds me of the movie "Varsity Blues" where the sex ed teacher is going thru the various slang terms...

Someone comes up with "Pedro"

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Christiana said...

Hey Dakota, interesting topic today. I must admit, my bf's have never shared that little nickname of theirs with me. Which is a good thing, I'd probably have busted out laughing and damaged their fragile little ego's. Hope you're having a good day.

Christiana

2:49 PM  
Blogger The Library Diva said...

I'm reading this at work, and all the patrons are wondering why I keep snort laughing.

I dated a guy who referred to his as The Craftsman. I didn't get at first, until he explained to me that he called it that because it was "the master of all tools."

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Rae Morgan said...

As always, Dearest Dakota, you have me rolling on the floor.

Great to see that so many fans and readers out there enjoyed the topic. I especially loved the names "the Craftsman" and "the Cadillac"(cause he wanted to park it in the garage.) Never heard of a woman's vagina called a garage before, but I see the image. If I were drinking my Pepsi, It would have come out my nose. LOL

Rae Morgan, owner of the PPofP

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Kaz said...

Dakota, you wild woman, you! Thanks for all the chuckles... speaking of, an old BF named his "Mr. Chuckles". What a doof!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

This was too funny! My ex-husband called his "Wonder Willie". My current husband sometimes calls his "Mr. Happy" but not typically.

We were laughing about it together after some of this and I asked why a man would feel the need to name a body part - he said they stroked it like a pet so why not name it like one? He was joking... I think....

- Maura

4:11 PM  
Blogger Jaynie R said...

Q doesn't have a name for his lovestick, but he does call my breasts Will and Jeff *g*

4:38 PM  
Blogger robynl said...

Friends of mine called his Heathcliffe and hers Gertrude. They would say "Gertrude wants to play with Heathclffe" or something like that.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous fae said...

hi dakota! lmao, funny topic... had me cracking up! i don't have one to share, but hey i blame it on the boring bfs. lol.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Erin the Innocent said...

I'm just sayin that I'm sweet and innocent and delicate and stuff. (besides I don't know of anyone who names his dangly bits)

Erin the Innocent

5:11 PM  
Blogger Jeanette J said...

Thanks for the chuckles

5:26 PM  
Anonymous annalisa said...

Dakota,

I love your blogs! You always seem to come up with unusual topics that keep me laughing!

Love some of the names that were mentioned. My dh doesn't have any particular name for his, but sometimes he likes to make fun of my reading romance books by saying things like "what do they call it in your books? love sword? joystick?" etc. Then we both usually laugh! :)

Hope your next topic is as funny as this one!

5:56 PM  
Blogger lydia said...

Funny stuff. I'll never be able to look at penis' the same way. lol

6:21 PM  
Blogger LadyVampire2u said...

I once knew a guy who called his "The Iron Rod". I dont know why guys name their parts but its funny to read about it openly. Usual topic but fun. I always have fun when reading your posts/blogs.

~April

6:35 PM  
Anonymous blythespirit of the no name said...

Hey Dakota. Great topic. MISTER FRISKY is the name of our pet monster!

6:55 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Holy Cow! A girl goes out to dinner and look at what you've all been doing. LMAO

Hookay--Rae--glad you laughed. That always makes me smile.
Maura--where do you find these men? LOL
Kaz? If you only knew, babes. Tee hee
Jaynie? OY, chica. I have no names for the girls--I can't call them twins, cuz they just ain't identical. LOL
Fae--thanks for popping in!
Robyn? Veeery Wuthering heights. LOL
Jeannette and Analisa--MANY thanks.
Lydia? Me neither. LMAO
Blythespirit--indeed and are you Mrs Frisky? LOL
April? Thank you!

Wipes sweat from brow--okay--I think I got everyone. LOL

Thanks for stopping in!

Dakota :)

7:31 PM  
Anonymous chibi-hentai said...

*grins* my Dom is nice and simple with His joystick, so it's just cock. Sir's cock to this subbie. *laughs* His computer has a name though!!!

This was hysterical... i need to read these posts more often!! Like more than 4 times a day!

Many blessings,
chibi-hentai

8:36 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

D A K O T A

Joe is so upset you forgot him/me LOL although you know I am use to that from you LOL but poor Joe...now I have to deal with his whining LOL

Renee'

8:40 PM  
Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

OMG, Renee...I DID NOT forget Joe. I didn't see your post when I refreshed. LOL

Okay, sooooooo ask Joe if incentive means I gotta wear leather thigh-high boot and a freakin' corset. Cuz I ain't playin' LMAO

Hugs to you both.

Chibi, m'love--you go, girl. Sometimes less is more :)

8:42 PM  
Anonymous chibi-hentai said...

Oh believe me... i get plenty. *winks* He... is an expert when it comes to me. And i guess i'll leave it at that. *giggles*

Many blessings,
chibi-hentai

10:13 PM  
Blogger Christy Robin said...

'Kota, you said maybe Ben was being modest. I can answer with absolute positivity that he wasn't!

Robin
www.robindanner.com

10:20 AM  

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